to the wagon :( I can't believe it's been so long since I posted. I can't believe that I have fallen off the wagon and it ran over me. I've only gained back 5 lbs because I'm still being very cautious of what I eat but I haven't juiced in almost 3 weeks.
I have been trying to eat healthy and have been able to sustain that for the most part. That's the problem...*Sigh* I've eaten more meat than I've wanted to because the husband can't quit eating it and it's in the house and if he makes me a pork chop I'm going to eat it! I've been trying to make meatless dishes and the husband has been less than enthused.
The other day I went to Walmart and decided that I was going to start my fast again on Tuesday so I bought a couple of sodas and nutty bars! I'm so weak. I ate the nutty bars and drank all the soda and felt absolutely terrible. I was bloated and felt sick to my stomach. I know better! I know better than to eat this way.
So this morning I juiced 2 apples, 10 carrots, 2 inches of ginger and 3 small beets. I just finished drinking my breakfast and I"m still hungry.
I started this post a week ago and am just not getting back to it to finish it up!
In that time I have fallen off the wagon and I can't even see it in the distance.
I am so incredibly weak willed! I so want to change myself but it just seems that there is always something around every corner trying to derail me. I feel as tho I have absolutely NO support at home. I'm not going to go into it again because I've already discussed it a couple of times.
I have some extremely stressful situations in my life right now and eating junk food has always been my coping mechinism. ALWAYS. So now I'm going thru a very stressful time and in order for me to deal without freaking the fuck out I ate. I ate 3 boxes of little debbie cakes in a 2 day time span. Secretly of course, I can't let anyone know what I'm doing. I also have been drinking soda.
Secretly, of course. In fact yesterday I needed one so badly while I was at work that I walked out the back door of the store and walked around the side of the building to the soda machine. Purchased one and then took a big drink...walked back around the side of the building and back in the front door all the while hiding the soda in my pocket. Then I put the soda in the fridge after taking another big drink and went back to my work station. After work there were still 2 ppl in the store with me so I had to sneak the soda back out of the fridge and hide it in my pocket so I could take it home with me.
This is the vicious cycle I live in. I have made myself accountable and if I show weakness I"m scared of what my ppl will think of me.
Luckily, and I do mean luckily, I have NOT gained any weight back. I was extremely surprised when I stepped on the scale this morning and I wasn't 285 lbs again. I was 260.4 which is only a couple of lbs heavier than I was 3 weeks ago. I haven't weighed myself since then. The reason I weighed myself today is because I woke up and decided that this is the day the madness ends. I really don't think I'm going to start juicing again but I am definitely going to stop drinking the soda and eating the crap again.
I'll keep you posted. Wish me luck...unfortunately, I feel I need it more now than when I started the first time.
Ciao for now.
