and trying to pinpoint WHY this weight loss endevor seems to be my last. As you know from my first post, I have tried just about every diet or diet pill under the sun. I've some success with some and not so much with others...but everything always ended up the same...I would stop the diet and I would gain EVERYTHING I lost and then some back. I was the typical YO-YO dieter. Lose some then gain some and more...lose some and gain some....back and forth.
Most of the diets I just got sick of eating that way....the one that I had the most success with but despised the way I ate was the Atkins Diet. I love meat. I'm such a carnivore...if a meal didn't contain some sort of meat than it wasn't a meal. But the Atkins Diet goes way too far. After about 4 months and 50 lbs lost I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't eat all that meat. It's just not good for you! The first few weeks off the diet I didn't eat much meat at all. I went back to veggies and fruits, the produce that I had missed sooo much while eating that way.
But eventually, I went right back to eating my old way...processed foods, meats some dairy. Junk food galore. Chips, cakes, cookies. I think I should have bought stock in Little Debbie. It was nothing for me to go to Walmart and pick up a couple of boxes of Little Debbie cakes and eat at least a box on my way home from the store. I only live about 5 minutes from Walmart! I would hide the other box and not let my husband know I had purchased it and when he was in the shower or when he left to run an errand I would rush to them and stuff a bunch in my mouth! I would do the same thing with Donuts or the Deli.
Anyway...back to WHY I think this weight loss endevor will be my last - The simple fact that I am scared TO DEATH to become diebetic. My family - both sides - have long histories of diebeties in the family. My dad's side is mostly juvenile diebeties. I have had too many aunts, uncles and cousins die from complications of diebeties. The most memorable was my Uncle Lewis. My sister and I grew up with him around. My dad and he were the closest in age and were really close as far as brothers go. We would spend alot of time at his house or he at ours. When he divorced from his wife he spent even more time at our place. He had a standing invitation to dinner and he was usually there right with us every night after work.
The first time I saw him fill his needle up and give himself a shot in the stomach made me cringe! I couldn't watch after that and always looked away when he would pull out his little pack.
I visit the doctor regularly because of my family history and while I was growing up I got blood tests done about every 6 months and the number they looked at most was the glucose. They always came back OK. When I got out on my own I still checked in with the doctor and go frequent blood tests just to make sure and even as my weight climbed my glucose levels stayed the same.
So I guess I didn't see my weight as such a problem as long as I was diebetic. That was my epiphiny this morning. I was talking to my sister online and she's diebetic. We were talking about her upcoming doctors appt and blood panels and all I could do was think "God, I'm so glad I don't have diebeties." and it hit me! I've been heavy for 15+ years and have never had a diebeties scare until this last blood panel. I always have thought about diebeties in the back of my mind but as long as my glucose levels were good what difference did it make that I was overweight other than I feel terrible about myself and hate being stared at as I enter a room.
This is why I know in my heart without a doubt this will be the last time I try to lose weight. I am making a lifestyle change and once my body has healed itself I won't need to worry about these things any longer. I enjoy eating this way and in some ways it's just easier. I can throw a bunch of veggies and some fruit into the juicer and be on my way.
I've been on a lot of diets and I can honestly say I've never been this at peace while on one. I don't feel deprived or starved. I eat when I get hungry and I don't worry about calories. That's the most awesome thing about eating this way. You don't have to count calories or fat or carbs. Everything is whole and natural. I read labels quite a bit and don't buy anything with added sugar or anything that has something in that I can't pronounce. It's just a completely different mindset than I have ever had while on a 'diet'.
I just wish I could get the husband as gungho on it as I am. I made the Veggie Chili last week and he did eat that...I made some more last night and he didn't complain. But he's still consuming a bunch of crap that he thinks is fine for him like the banana bread with a cup and a half of sugar or the berry pie with 2 cups of sugar and crisco laden crusts. It may be homemade and home cooking but it's not healthy. He also won't give up meat. I have had about 4 ounces of chicken in the last month and I don't miss meat. It's really odd but I know it's not that good for us and I don't miss not eating it even tho it was a staple in my diet for so many years.
Today was a break thru for me. I hope that you have gotten to that same place or that you will soon.
It's a wonderful place to be!
Ciao for now
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